by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
