I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
