Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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