insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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