Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
