made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
