I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize