And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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