I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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