Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
