At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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