shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
