Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I believe in your delicious
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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