yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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