You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
