Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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