i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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