I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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