Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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