Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
