How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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