I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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