so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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