You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
