Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
