i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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