I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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