Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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