when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
