Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
