Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
