I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
