I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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