I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
