I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
