we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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