I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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