So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
we should paint friendship bongs
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