dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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