I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize