Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sarcasm needs its own font
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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