it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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