you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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