and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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