you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
