you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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