Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
