Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
