I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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