At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
