There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
