if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
