By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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