I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
