I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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