I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
