i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
