I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
