Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize