I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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