best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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