My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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