Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
