i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
