So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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