What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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