Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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