The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
