i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
